it's jokes

I liked my life when I first got it... Later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

What's the difference between a phone and a girl? You can turn it off whenever you want.

Is it just me, or when you wipe your ass too deep, it reminds you of your uncle? Just me?

I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand. -- It's seven.

Why can't an orphan play Family Feud? Because it has to have a family.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger? It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."

"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.

The boy answered, "It's Michelle."

I can see Uranus from here, and it's mighty gassy!

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."

Your forehead is so large, if I drew an H on it, maybe Kobe could've landed.

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet.

He scares the shit out of it.

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.

How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?

Must be more than 9 because my basement is still dark.

Your hairline is so bad that it makes Lebron's hairline look normal.

Why do orphans like to play GTA?

Because it's the only time they are wanted.

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

Why is a moon rock tastier than an Earth rock?

Because it’s a little meteor.

There are so many things going through my head. Sadly, none of it is a 9mm.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Cause it's a family company.

What's worse than depression & suicide?

Easy: LIVING. Everyday you wish you were dead but then reality hits you in the face that you're still alive and have to suffer living.

Pretend or not pretend, we have to decide everyday even if we don't pretend no one will notice :) no one ever does :). Living is the problem to everything. We get depression cuz of it and so much. Why can't we just die :)?