it's jokes

Wife: I will leave you if you call me fat again.

Husband: Wait, dear... Don’t do it for the sake of our kid!

Wife: Kid?

Husband: Yeah, aren’t you pregnant?

Emos are weird to me because they dress up all black, and you know I don't like that, so that's why I don't like it.

You wanna hear a joke?

Two Emos hanging out under a tree.

How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!

Guy, it was so weird yesterday. I saw a guy, and he kept repeating the same thing over and over. I hate people with dementia. I told my mom to get a new mirror, but she won’t listen to me. It’s almost like I said it like 20 times every time I say it.

I don't know why my blind kid is crying, but I think it could be the tacks I put on the couch.

What's the definition of disappointment?

Running into a wall with a boner, but it only hits your nose.

Did you hear about the book about gravity? I couldn’t put it down.

Why do kids with cancer hate their birthday?

They don't know if they'll be alive to see it.

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

I had a good night, and I love it when you get a good walk and you get to.

How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, they just beat the room for it being black.

What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.

That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.

There was a woman sitting with me.

I had to leave until she pointed at something—it was my butt.

I was confused until it was her turn for truth or dare.

Dear doctor,

I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?

Yours Truly, Ray Palp

If someone told me to bring up 9/11, they were trying to make a funny joke, but it didn't work.

That one really *crashed and burned*.

Why can't a dodo fly? Cus it suicided when it saw you will be born soon.

I am the worst joke ever. Get it? My whole life is a joke.

I am sorry, I cannot provide a joke. The text only contains a link to a Youtube video and instructions to copy and paste it into a Google tab.

Bad joke: Why is it easy to bully orphans? Because what are they going to do, tell their parents?