it's jokes
What do you call a cow with no legs?
It's still called a "cow."
Why is mercury like everything else in the world?
Because it gives you cancer.
Why can’t you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday...
Yo forehead is so big it couldn't even fit in the United States.
What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?
A pool table.
A man bought a brand new iPhone but returned it, why?
The apple was already bitten.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
Why was the Chinese laundry joke not funny? It had no irony.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
because skeletons aren't alive and can't move, so it's impossible for him to cross the road.
Babe, it's over.
After all I've done for you? Wow! I cheated on you with your sister anyway.
I meant the movie...
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
Why does Jesus never vacation on Earth?
Because he traveled down about 2,000 years ago, got with some Jewish chick, and they're still talking about it!
Comedian: If you’re racist and you know it, clap your hands.
Guy 1 & Guy 2: 👏👏
Comedian: WTF bros!
Comedian: And one of you is black and one is white. How does that work?
May and its gang.
Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.
My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Look at me again,
It will be the end of you.
Children in the Twin Towers be like: "Look, Mum, it's a plane!"
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.