it's jokes

Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.

Hey, I have a joke!

What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of its clause!

I kicked a goose, and I liked it!

Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!

Officer: Hi, how high are you?

Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"

Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.

Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.

Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.

Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.

(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!

Why is the sun lit?

Because it has much solar.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish?

A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

Eagle: "You know why hunting me would be a bad idea?

Because it is ILL-EAGLE!"

A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife what she was doing. She said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle. It's supposed to be a tiger, but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "Honey, those are frosted flakes."

What is always moving but we never see it walk?

Time! Hahahaha!

Why did the math book go to the psychologist?

It had too many problems.

Imagine there’s a funny joke here. Imagine it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum because you’re schizophrenic.

May and its gang.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Look at me again,

It will be the end of you.

One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.

I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.

We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.