it's jokes
Why is it okay to make fun of orphans?
Because they can't tell their parents.
Why is the Pentagon mad?
Because it didn't get two pizzas, but only one plane pizza.
It's a tower.
No, it's a plane.
Me: Nope, it's 9/11.
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
Hey, I have a joke!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws, and a comma is a pause at the end of its clause!
I kicked a goose, and I liked it!
I went to the zoo but all I saw was a dog.
Yeah, it was a shih tzu.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
Officer: Hi, how high are you?
Pothead: No officer, it's "how are you?"
Officer: Oh, I'm sorry, I've been high since last night.
Pothead: Cool, I'd like to give you some weed, happy 420, sir.
Officer: Omg, thanks man, appreciate that.
Bruh, people always makin' jokes 'bout how their dad left, well in my story it was the mum that needed milk.
(Wait, forgot about the 3rd third thing.) I have said this countless times, but it doesn't seem to be getting through to you: quit hating on particular jokes. You don't like it? Nobody cares. Don't go into the morbid jokes category, you idiots, ffs!
Why did a cheetah fart? It needed more gas.
So, I was laying in bed and it's winter, so my room is always cold because the heater doesn't work.
And I was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then I laughed because who would wanna be with me. Hahaha
How do you get a baby to stop crying?
Simple... you staple its mouth shut.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
One time, I bought a magnet. My wife asked why I bought it. I said I couldn't help myself; I felt attracted to it.
I'm listening to a song about fish--it's very catchy.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
Why does it take longer for women to orgasm than men?
Who cares?