it's jokes
What would a tree do if a depressed kid tried to high five it?
I would leave them hanging.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I finally had to take his bike away.
How do stars get their name?
By a black hole because it's sueeeee!
Why [doesn't] Hollywood make a good movie about holocausts?
Because it's so hard to skin Jewish characters.
Why is drinking soda so sad?
It's soda-pressing.
Isn't it sad that orphans are only allowed self raising flour? Orphan-👁👄👁
I just watched a documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam show I ever saw!
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
A turtle was walking down the street when suddenly a snail came and robbed him. When the police came, they asked what happened. The turtle responded, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
What's funny about sex? I don't get it.
If a chicken flies into the plane and the plane crashes, whose fault is it?
A: The driver's. Chickens can't fly.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.
I was going to make a 9/11 joke, but I'm afraid it will crash and burn.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
How do you turn your dog into a watchdog?
Get it a Rolex!
Listen, my friends say I am gay, but I tell them I am not because I am not happy. In fact, I have no life. You are my friend. I trust you with my life. Now, can you take it?
When you unplug the charger to charge your phone, but you realize it was plugged into your grandpa's life support:
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
What did one mouse say to the other mouse when it tried to steal the cheese?
"That's nacho cheese!"
Apparently, rich people have the smallest penises. It makes sense why Bill Gates called it "MicroSoft."