it's jokes
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!
Dark humor is like food.
Not everyone gets it.
You know when you sign up for something and it says "I'm not a robot"? I guess he never had the chance to tick that.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
Why is it best to date suicidal women? Because if there's no pulse, there's no need for consent.
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap? "Just beat it, just beat it."
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."
The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."
The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."
And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."
The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.
The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.
The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.
And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"
Johnny Depp fans claim to support their god because they sympathize with male victims of sexual assault. Yet a large chunk of them cheer on Wacko Jacko raping little boys, calling it "innocent".
Why did God invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt too.
My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
I was with my blind friend, and he's telling me, "Yeah, I can read braille." So I hand him a Lego brick and ask him to read it. Apparently, Lego has been hiding a dark secret from us for years; as all their bricks read, "Screw you, asshole."
I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie...
no one could tell that it was their blood.
How did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
Dear disabled people, just go to the settings and enable it!
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
Society: :-)
I: :')
Society: you're doing it WRONG. It's :-) not :')
I: :'D
10 Fun Facts.
1. You can't wash your eyes with soap. 2. You can't count your hair. 3. You can't breathe through your nose with your tongue out. 4. You just tried number 3. 5. When you did number 3, you realized it's possible, only you look like a dog. 6. You're smiling right now because you were fooled. 7. You skipped number 5. 8. You just checked to see if there is a number 5. 9. Share this with your friends to have some fun too :-)
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.