it's jokes

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.

When a mute girl gives a hand job, is it oral?

How do you make a fruit punch?

You give it a pair of boxing gloves.

No one has the right to look down on others unless you're perfect, and looking down on others is not perfect either.

It's just true.

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

I was beefing with a dude in a wheelchair, so I took his wheelchair and threw it across the street and told him, "Walk it off, you will be fine."

Person 1: Stop making suicidal jokes!

Person 2: Okay, okay, I’ll cut it out.

Person 1: Really?

Person 2: They're not even that deep.

What's worse than waking up with a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced.

I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.

I hate double standards. Burn a body at a crematorium and you’re being a respectful friend.

But do it at home and you’re destroying evidence.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.

Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?

Because nobody is looking for them.

I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"

Girl: Daddy, I've been a bad girl.

Priest: For the last time, it's "Father, I have sinned."

I threw a Asian down some stairs. It was Wong on so many levels.

You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.

Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.

If Uranus is so gross, why do they take HD photos of it?

A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."