it's jokes

What is the difference between a flat tire bicycle and a woman?

Answer: You need to pump the tire on the bicycle before you ride it, while a woman you need to ride her and pump.

Chuck Norris trained Dude Perfect how to do it.

Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?

A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"

Why is the cheetah so fast?

Because it can't walk slow.

Last Christmas, I took a picture of your mom.

It's still printing.

I once dated a math teacher. It turned out she was nothing but problems.

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"

"Bone."

"Bone who?"

"It's nice to meet cha'. Can we be friends? I'm bone-ly here."

Why can't gay people have hairlines? Because it's not straight.

A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Yo Mama is so FAT, it wasn't an iceberg that sank it, she was called, "THE MAMABERG!"

What mountain do people like to race on?

Mount Rushmore.

Get it?

What’s the difference between cancer and my abusive stepdad?

My stepdad did beat cancer.

Your forehead is so big that we may as well call it a fivehead.

When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.

How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!

Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?

The adult person I asked: Cereal?

Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?

The person: Yes.

Me: WHAT?!!!??!!

I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.

Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.