it's jokes

I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.

But she hasn't tried the position with her new boyfriend, so she invites him to a romantic dinner.

After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it, but her boyfriend was clueless about such acts, so she tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 position. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same, but the bf didn't know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly, the girl had an urge to fart but held it in because her asshole was right near his bf's face. Suddenly, she loses control and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says, "Bitch if you think I'll be lying here for 67 more of those, you're fucking crazy."

So my friend and I went camping at a Cold Lake Campground and he jumped into it without any warning, and so I asked him, "Wat-er you doing?"

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer. It never gets old.

When my dad once went to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.

My aunt’s star sign is Cancer, so it’s pretty ironic how she died. She was eaten alive by a giant freaking crab!

Guy 1: P-gay or T-gay?

Guy 2: P-gay sounds cooler.

Guy 1: Yeah me too. I don't like P-ewDiePie, always love T-series.

Guy 2: Omg what did i just say? I wasn't even knowing what were you talking about :<

Guy 1: Like I do care :$

Guy 3: But I do care :<

Guy 1: F*ck you.

Guy 3: Do it.

Guy 2: But you do care about me.

Guy 3: No.

Guy 2: F*ck you.

Guy 3: Do it.

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."

(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)

What is the difference between a retard and a zombie anyway?

They’re always hungry and shuffle around aimlessly, moaning... Oh, and it takes a bullet in the forehead to put them both down.

Uh!!!

Imagine this... you're a lesbian, and you're doing it with your cannibal girlfriend. You say, "Eat me, baby!"

She pulls out a knife and fork.

What is it called when someone is in a wheelchair and in a fire?

Hot Wheels...

Have you ever heard about the new virus in China? It's called Hupun.

Hupun DEEZ NUTS!

Have you ever tried anal bleaching?

It really helps assholes lighten up.

Your forehead is so big you could land a plane on it.

Your forehead is so big that it could carry the passengers of the Titanic.

What's the difference between 63 cents and Princess Diana?

It's easier to scrape up 63 cents.

Making 9/11 jokes? It's just plane wrong.

Yo forehead so big it makes Megamind's forehead small.

My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.

Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?