it's jokes
What did mama cow say to baby cow? -- "It's pasture bedtime."
Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?
So you can see the look on its face as you climax.
Why is the koala not a bear?
It doesn't have the right koalafications.
I don't even know why to joke about America, it's a joke itself TO THE FUCKING EARTH!
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.
I asked my dad, "Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head?"
He replied, "Because I thought it would look like hares."
I tried to think of how lighting works.
Then it struck me!
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
Yo Mama so fat that when she took a photo of herself to get it printed out, it took 15 years to finish!
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
1. If being ugly was a crime, you would have a life sentence.
2. My phone battery lasts longer than your friendships.
3. There is a tree out there giving you oxygen, and you owe that tree an apology.
4. I don’t hate you, but I gotta unplug your life support to charge my phone.
5. When I saw your dad on the sidewalk, I didn’t laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.
6. If I had powers, I would make you the dumbest person alive, but it seems life already beat me to the punch.
7. If karma ever comes to punch ya in the face, I wanna be there to help it.
8. If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.
9. You are more disappointing than a cake without frosting.
10. Were you born on a highway, 'cause that’s where most accidents happen?
11. Wow, that hurts, now I know how it felt when your mom said that to ya.
12. You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo, and you may as well be the reason why the middle finger was invented.
Why can't America play chess?
Because it lost two towers.
To start, I'm a big fella in size.
I saw a skinny guy act like Santa, so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off," I said. He said, "Then you try it." He gave me the Santa suit, and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
What is Trump's favorite snack?
Cheetos.
(Get it? He looks like a Cheeto!)
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.