it's jokes
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Well, it's not 8 because my basement is still dark.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.
His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"
What's the difference between a penis and a gun?
A child doesn't cry when a gun goes off in its mouth.
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Who would've known?
If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀
What's the city with the fastest growing population?
Ireland, cuz it's Dublin everyday!
God: (creating elephants) Make it big.
Angel: How big?
God: As big as my d--
Angel: Whoa!
God: Fine, 10 feet tall.
Angel: That's big bu--
God: Put a long thing on its face.
Communism jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets it.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it didn't want to be argon.
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening.
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs.
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack! 🤣😂🤣
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
Why doesn’t the sun ☀️ go to college?
Because it has a million degrees.
I went to the doctor's yesterday. I said, "When I touch my back, it hurts. When I touch my knee, it hurts. When I touch anything, it hurts!" 😣 What’s wrong with me?
Doctor: You’ve broken your finger.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
I gave a blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer.