it's jokes
I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"
Me: "I came home laughing."
Parents: "What's wrong?"
Me: "The teacher asked everyone a question. Luckily, I was the only one who knew."
Parents: "Good for you, Johnny. What was the fantastic question your teacher gave everyone and only you knew?"
Me: "Well, it's kinda complicated, but here it goes."
Parents: "What is it?"
Me: "Who farted?"
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
Why can't an orphan go to S. C. Johnson?
Because it's family owned.
What happens if a boy bumps into a dog?
It’s a bumper team.
I wasn't going to tell another rape joke but fuck it.
If this gets 10 comments (I don't care about likes) I will write a four page essay and post it, and it's up to you guys what it's about.
Did you hear that song about 9/11? It was a real banger!
Bro, I gotta tell you a joke.
Nevermind, it's too cheesy!
When I saw your face, it instantly made me throw up.
When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:
"Enjoy the little things."
It looks like Kevin Magnussen finally got pole position.
He has the bragging rights that he took over Russia now.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
Your hairline is so far back it makes me look like Shaq O'Neal.
Little Johnny: Dad, why are you rubbing the horse's chest and butt?
Dad: I want to see if it's good enough to buy.
Little Johnny: I think Uncle Joe wants to buy Mom.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on a scale, it said... "Error!"
Your hairline is so far back my dad even took 48 hours to reach it.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
I don't even like ketchup, so it stays stinky.