it's jokes

To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.

What do you call it when a midget waves at you?

A microwave.

How does Moses prepare his tea? -- Hebrews it.

When the Lego box says 6-99 years but you eat it in 20 minutes.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

What is the richest planet?

Saturn 🪐- It has many rings.

I called that Rape Advice Line earlier today. Unfortunately, it's only for victims.

I comforted my friend about his wife's death, until I found out who did it.

Why did the gym close down? -- It just didn't work out.

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a heartwarming story about a shark that gives arms and legs to disabled people.

Me: Want to play 911?

My little brother: What's that?

Me: It's where I kick your legs and you fall.

I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.

It didn't land too well.

A guy is due to meet his friends for drinks at a bar but arrives late. When he does eventually turn up his friends ask why he is late.

The guy says, "Well, you won't believe what just happened. I was walking my usual route via the rail tracks when suddenly I saw a young, naked woman tied up next to the tracks. Of course I untied her and we had sex because I freed her."

The friends are cheering and one friend asks, "So... did you get any head?"

The guy replies, "No, I couldn't find it."

Two blondes fall down a well. One says to the other one, "Isn't it dark down here?" She replies, "I don't know. I can't see."

Who do you think is the fastest reader? Incorrect. It's 9/11. It went through 100 stories in 2 seconds.

Why do Native Americans hate snow?

Because it's white and settles on their land.

What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?

It left him hanging.

It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.

Then the antidote becomes the most important.

When I was little, I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike. I learned one week in Sunday school that that's not how it works, so instead I just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.