it's jokes
Why did the emo leave the bar?
Because it was happy hour.
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it leaves and never comes back.
Why is the Tower of Pisa leaning?
Because unlike the Twin Towers it can dodge.
An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.
Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.
The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.
The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.
The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"
Knock knock! Who's there? It's Dave! Dave who? Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
Some people think incest jokes are funny.
I just think it's all relative.
It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.
I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.
Q: Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for their birthday?
A: 'Cause it don't have a home button.
Welcome to Dave's Orphanage. "You make it, we take it."
I did a bungee jump for charity recently. It was called "spastics on elastics."
I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.
How do Mexicans feel about Trump's wall? -- They'll get over it.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
"What does the word 'gay' mean?" asked a son of his father.
"It means 'happy'," replied the father.
"Oh," contested the son, "so you are gay then?"
"No, son, I have a wife."
a man died with an erection. the three nurses in the morgue saw this the first nurse climbs on and rides him. the second nurse dose the same the third hesitates saying "i'm on my period." the others say its ok hes dead so she rides him to. when she's done he sits up and all the nurses ask how hes alive he replies i'm good to go after the two jumpstarts and blood transfusion
I wish my grass was emo, then it would cut itself.
Teacher: Johnny, can you use a sentence with "definitely" in it?
Little Johnny: Do farts have lumps in them?
Teacher: Of course not, Johnny.
Little Johnny: Then I’ve definitely shat myself.