it's jokes
I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.
Why does Royal Cola have more royalty than a queen?
Answer: It tastes better.
What's the difference between when I opened the window in a car wash and when Kawhi Leonard did it? At least my dad didn't get shot in the eye.
I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.
My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!
(On their 1-2 loss to Watford) Ty: Well, we mustn't forget that it's been raining so...
Robbie: It's been raining???
Ty: Yeah!
Robbie: Are you being serious??? It's raining for both teams!
Hello. Here's my story . An unemployed woman looking for love. I went on tindar because my friends were talking about it. I matched with a guy who asked me weird questions like if i could send pictures on my private areas, Being confident i said no.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they're very tiny and we're not sure how they got in there.
I would tell a 9/11 joke, but it would probably go up in flames.
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To try to find his parents, but it was FREAKING USELESS!
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
USS Liberty. Never forget.
It was bombed and destroyed by the Israeli airforce. Thirty-four dead, 171 wounded. The official story says “accident,” yet an American flag was clearly visible on the ship.
Motive: An attempt to cut off our foreign intelligence on Israel? Blame the bombing on an Arab country?
Just imagine if any other nation bombed an American ship...
I'm black, and I have a dying family in my basement that hasn't eaten in 2 weeks. They need help.
Btw, it's a joke lol.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends on how many you throw.
Sad news, my obese parrot died today.
Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Bagel."
"Bagel who?"
"Toast, it's me, your arch-nemesis, Bagel, here to make up! Bye!"
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Knock knock. Who's there? Oswald. Oswald who? Oswald my Halloween candy and now it's stuck in my throat!
Your mama is so ugly, she doesn't have to flush the toilet. She already scared the shit out of it.
After having a win at bingo, Ethel splashed out on some venison for tea.
During the meal, her daughter asked her mum what it was, to which she replied with a little smile... "It's what I call your father."
Little Jimmy threw down his knife and fork and jumped up sayin', "Oh My God! Don't eat it!!! It's a fucking Dick!"