it's jokes
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's extinct.
It's true though
Your hairline goes so far back it went back to when Earth was created.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her and she was on both sides of it.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."
I may not be as "rich" as Donald Trump, but at least I am still allowed to go on holiday to Bali, Niagara Falls, Hong Kong, and the Pyramids of Giza.
Orange Jesus can't travel to these places because these places cannot grant entry to felons.
...ah, who am I kidding? It's likely that Trump is going to prison, anyway.