it's jokes
Did you hear about the new German microwave? It has ten seats in it.
Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."
Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom?
Because it's extinct.
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
I went to an orphanage and had a yo mama smack down. That's it.
Have you heard about the movie "Constipation"?
No, because it never came out...
What's the difference between a porn star and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you smack it.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
Tj's hairline is so far back, Blue's Clues can't find it.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Yo mama so fat, I took a picture of her and she was on both sides of it.
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
When the school shooter is gonna clap the football team but his AK jams: “Take it easy guys, I was just joking!”
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
If anyone's gonna be fuckin' my sister, it's gonna be ME!
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
What's the difference between a woman and a washing machine? The washing machine doesn't follow you after you put a load in it.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
My young son saw Trump on TV. He asked, "Why is the man on TV painted orange?" I replied, "Son, when Russia pays that much for equipment, they don't want it to rust."