it's jokes

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

Why is flour retarded?

Because it's in-bread.

Don't you just hate it when your grandmas always complaining about things getting stuck between her false teeth, like my foreskin?

Why can't an orphan watch the movie:

It was family rated.

What does a Rubik's cube and a man's penis have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Did you know that McDonald's made a Michael Jackson burger?

It’s a 50-year-old piece of meat in a 12-year-old bun.

Why did the deer cross the road? Its friend deered it to!

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

What does a cigar and a hamster have in common?

Both are completely harmless until you put it in your mouth and light it on fire.

I just planted emo grass.

Ignore it and it cuts itself.

How do you know if spaghetti is a boy or a girl? It's meatballs.

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there. Trust me, you won’t regret it.