it's jokes

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

I saw an advertisement for colored pens and how they write. They take a blue pen and write "blue," a yellow pen and write "yellow." I was inspired too.

I took a pen, filled it with my blood, and wrote "AIDS."

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

Two Indians are walking beside a river...

One reaches down into the mud and runs it through his fingers.

"The White Man was here."

"How can you tell?"

"We're speaking English, aren’t we?"

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

Y'know that foundation called "Autism Speaks"? No, it screeches.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

I flew a paper airplane and I rate it 9/11.

What did the planes say when they were smashing or passing the Twin Towers?

Smash.

(Get it?) 9/11.

Asians love it when a British person says "Rice!"

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and one to suck my dick.

Some people think prison is one word, but to criminals, it’s a whole sentence.

Bro, your hairline is so far back not even Dora the Explorer can find it!

A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."

The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"

I hate it when a couple has a minor quarrel, and the girlfriend updates her Facebook status to ‘single.’

I mean, I fight with my parents all the time, but I never update my status to ‘orphan.’

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.