it's jokes

I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."

The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

At least when I fucked it.

How many gay guys can you fit on a barstool? 4... if you turn it upside down.

When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

Why is flour retarded?

Because it's in-bread.

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

"And then I said, \"Knife to meet you.\""

"You stabbed my brother!"

"It's okay, I'm in stable condition!"

The Titanic before the iceberg be like: "We can't go under it, we gotta go through it!"

*sans*: Why was the skeleton depressed? Because Frisk keeps resetting and it resets when he lost his phone.

In his dream, some people gave the Hodja nine gold coins, but Hodja wanted ten. So he refused them. Suddenly, he awoke and saw that his hands were empty. So, he quickly closed his eyes again and said, "It's okay, I'll take the nine coins."

A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.

He yells, "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

I’m not saying my life’s a joke. I’m saying it’s the punchline no one asked for.

I used to think that I had a Japanese friend, but it was just my imagi-asian.

What is the most famous dish in Africa?

Don't know, they haven't tried it yet.