it's jokes

I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.

Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.

He said he couldn't complain.

I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".

If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".

If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".

They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.

It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?

A hoedown.

Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

Is it still stand-up comedy if the comedian doesn't have legs?

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.