it's jokes

The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

How many hookers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One, cause they'll screw anything.

Sir, I mustache you a question...

Ah, never mind, I'll just shave it for later.

Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?

Palpatine: Brew it!

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.

They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.

It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."

My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.

Why was the Tower of Pisa always leaning?

Cuz it wanted better accuracy than the Twin Towers.

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.

I thought I saw Jojo Siwa... no wait, it's your hairline.

Your hairline is so pushed back, it's looking like it got slapped up by Will Smith.

After a suicide joke say, "Don't leave me hanging, or I'll cut it out."

Friend: Stop with the self harm jokes, they're not funny.

Me: It's not that deep. I'll cut it out.

A kid in a wheelchair got hurt yesterday. I got detention yesterday because I told him to walk it off.

A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.

The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"

How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.

My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.

It’s called Enditol.

Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.

Dad: Would you like to talk about it?

Son: Sure.

Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.

Son: I can't, my butt hurts.

That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.