it's jokes
My mom wanted me to build her a shed for her useless things, then she told me to go live in it.
The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.
Stormtrooper: What should we do with this coffee?
Palpatine: Brew it!
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
What do you call it when a drunk cowgirl falls off her stool at the bar?
A hoedown.
I think if a woman is giving a man a handjob, it should be called "wand making".
If a woman is giving a woman a handjob, it should be called "finger pointing".
If a man is giving a man a handjob, it should be called a "self-pleasure".
I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.
What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?
She had small tits.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.
He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair.
I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling.
They made a horror movie about the Chinese president.
It's called "Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey."
My doctor prescribed a new drug to treat my depression.
It’s called Enditol.
Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.
Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.
Son: Dad, I had sex for the first time.
Dad: Would you like to talk about it?
Son: Sure.
Dad: Sit down and let's talk about it.
Son: I can't, my butt hurts.
How did Michael Jackson get away with it?
He's a smooth criminal.
A police officer pulls over two Catholic priests. He says he's looking for two child molesters.
The Catholic priests look at each other: "We'll do it!"
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
What’s the difference between dark jokes and cotton?
Some people don’t pick it.