it's jokes

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"

Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.

It never gets old.

what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Blonde."

The blonde then taped the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.

Why did the dog 🐶 wake up tired?

It had a ruff night. 😂

Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.

How does a train eat?

It goes, "chew chew."

Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

Teach a feminist to fish and she will accuse you of patronising her, claim she knew how to do it anyway, and that even if she didn’t, she could easily work it out without the help of a man.

Hey, I know this is a classic joke but I found it pretty funny!

"My name is 4, four like the number," my friend said. "What, was 1 2 3 taken?"

I can even with it but I was bored and decided to share this.

What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?

I don't know.

Neither do I, but it runs in the family.

Your hairline is so bad even your gay friend is straighter than it.

What is an orphan's least favorite movie?

Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a bulb?

None, because they all cry in the dark.

Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.

Why can't orphans never run all the bases in baseball? Because they can never make it home.