it's jokes
1: My grandpa died last year.
2: What kind of cancer?
1: He was hit by a bus! It's called bus cancer.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
I heard a joke about candy bars, but it wasn't very funny, so I just snickered.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
Trump.
Get it because Trump is a joke hahaha, I am sooo bad!
Nevermind, it's retarded.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
My friend: What are you doing?
Me: I'm making holy water.
My friend: How?
Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.
How do you make a tissue dance? You give it a little boogie.
How do you make any salad into a Caesar salad? You stab it 23 times.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off!
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What did Yarn Yoshi say to Poochy whilst trying to solve a puzzle?
"Alright Poochy, it's time to get crafty!"
I told my mum the refrigerator was running, so she got dressed and ran after it...
Why did the butthole get angry?
So it could wipe every human, snipe.
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
Two Trojan warriors were patrolling the streets of Troy at night. It was finally time for their duties to be relieved. When they went back to their houses, one Trojan fell in a puddle. "Nitrogen!" The other called. And the other responded coldly, “Good night.”