it's jokes
How many electrical engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That is the electrician's job. I am a specialist.
How many software engineers?
Again, none. It's a hardware problem.
How many computer programmers to change a light bulb?
Two, but one resigns halfway through the project.
Why would you make jokes about birth control?
It's a great labour-saving invention.
When recycling toilet paper, you really need to process the crap out of it.
Conversely, you can recycle a condom quite easily: just turn it inside out and shake the fuck out of it.
I think someone left trash at the doorstep. Oh, wait, it's your parents dropping you off at the kid's store.
When you're sad, don't feel down about yourself. Break a leg, and you'll forget all about it.
How are Jews and potatoes different?
A potato keeps its skin.
Danny just bought a new game from Steam for a penny.
About one hour later, Danny asks his mother: "Mom, I am not able to start the game."
Mom asked, "Why?"
Danny answers: "It says 'Press any key' on the screen, but I can't find an 'Any' button on my keyboard."
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
Did you know they made a porn site for pirates?
It's called Heavy Arrrrrrg.
How do you kill a tranny?
Misgender it to death.
So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.
I said, "No, they don't have double doors."
Why'd the orange lose the race?
Because it ran out of juice.
I love your hair today.
How did you get it to come out your nose like that?
What’s something you can say about your clothes but not your partner?
It’s just a rental.
What is the difference between a zebra and a female NCO?
A zebra didn't have to suck and fuck to get its stripes.
A kindergarten teacher is chatting with little John. The teacher asks John, "John, can you get me some pencils?" John replies, "Sure, I'll do it!" and accidentally knocks over a vase.
The teacher says, "Oh, John!"
John asks, "What does that mean?" The teacher replies, "It's kind of a synonym for 'You loser!'"
Life’s not a game... but if it was, some people would still be stuck on the tutorial.
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
What's the best part about duck tape?
It turns "No, no, no!" into "Mmmm, mmmmm, mmmmm!"
It makes it real easy to get to home base on that first date, too.
I'm inventing a new glue and calling it "Six Seven"... it's a chemical brainrott.