IT jokes

Why did the parachute break up with the skydiver?

Because it was tired of being taken for granted every time things fell apart.

Why did the parachute refuse to open?

Because it had a "fatal attraction" to the ground.

Why did the ass start a gardening service?

It was great at dropping SEEDS.

Why did the ass go to therapy?

It couldn't deal with all the crap.

Shower thought: If everyone had schizophrenia, no one would know we had schizophrenia or know what it is!

Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.

It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.

Is it so? Do people get freedom?

Omega was born with Mammosbum in Mammam.

Humor is like food, not everybody gets it.

Why was 10 scared?

Because it’s between 9/11.

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

I was going to make a bulimia joke, but suddenly it just felt so empty.

I was going to tell a ghost joke, but it just seemed so mean-spirited.

Ever wondered how Jesus got rid of the cross that killed him?

Burned it in a hellish fire to make some firewood.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.

I was watching The Conjuring with an emo person. She said she likes the part where the girl was hanging. I said, "Why? Because you wish it were you?"

I just overheard this but:

How do you make a party in space?

You planet.

You're so ugly, when you put makeup on, it makes you look like a clown.

What's the similarity between your money and your life?

It just keeps going down.

Why does five plus five equal eleven?

Because it's actually six.

What does a volcano say when it has a runny nose?

"I have runny volcanoes."