IT jokes

I saw a bear eating a duck.

It was unBEARable.

If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:

"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...

YOU WERE BORN!"

Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?

Me: He could feel it in his bones.

Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!

Heheh ;3

I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

What time is it when you get home, can walk walk home and walk walk home from school, and walk walk home? Was your dinner night and dinner night?

How did the chicken get to the other side? He crossed the road and didn't make it.

My friend made a joke about dogs. I said it was a RUFF joke.

You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!

Hehehehehe.

Did you know that whenever I read my blood donor ID?

Because it says "B Positive!"

Dad fucked Mom.

Mom fucked son.

Son fucked sister.

Sister fucked dog.

Dog fucked cat.

Cat fucked bird.

Bird fucked fish.

Fish fucked Dad.

Dad really liked it!

Back in ancient Greece, there was a Greek Skyrim, but instead of FUS ROH DAH, the main character said, "Me damnit, Ganymede, get the #10 lightning bolt, I hate it when Helios lets his kids drive!"

If you don't get this, look up the story of Phaethon, and if you STILL don't get it, then you are dumb.

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

"1v1," said Kobe. LeBron James says, "Ok, bet," and bet the money. Bro, ok, let's get it."

At night in the Nunnery, one Nun says to the other Nun, "Where's the candle?" The other Nun says, "Doesn't it!"

I talk about the girls in my math class simping over anime characters and making random ships as well as for Miraculous Ladybug children's show, whatever the show is called, but it's a kids show. 💀 Now they’re searching up pictures of Tom Holland laughing in their absolute weirdness.

I like Tom Holland, but these kids man, they like him like they’re in a relationship. They might as well start kissing and licking the screen. They’re probably writing fanfictions in their free time when they aren’t searching up kids show characters, anime characters, and Tom Holland pics on their SCHOOL CHROMEBOOK. Their only device choice was a school-provided laptop which is monitored by the school while they are writing fan fictions on Google Docs and searching up some weird Tom Holland stuff. Imagine how Tom Holland would feel if he found out that there are 11 year old girls searching up some weird stuff about him.

I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.

Which is more disabling, is it autism or Down syndrome?

For the encore, we'd love to tell you a construction joke but... we're still working on it.