IT jokes

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

I was excited to finally watch the new documentary on Netflix. It was about Pessi’s UberEats career.

In the trailer, Pessi delivered food to French farmers. I watched the documentary and got shocked when I found out how finished Pessi is. He delivered one Pizza in 44 attempts.

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parents throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes.

I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

It's not a mistake, it's a ✨ masterpiece ✨.

Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long for fat people.

If your wife says: “What would you most like to do to my body?” “Identify it” is the wrong answer.

Alabama gene pools are so shallow, when they freeze over, it's just snow.

Man goes to the doctor. He has a banana sticking out of one ear, a carrot sticking out of the other ear, and a green bean sticking out of one nostril.

"Doctor, I'm not feeling well," the man complains.

"Well, it's no wonder," the doctor replies. "You're not eating right!"

Why did the chicken cross the road to Popeyes Chicken?

It wanted to pop some chicken eyes...

Dulux have created a new type of paint. It's called "Sue Grey." It covers up everything.

Yo mama's so fat, when she went on the scale it said, "Still counting."

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

Bob, why are you kicking the kids?

What, it's not like they have a home to go to.

What wastes your money as you earn it?

Women.

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy.

I keep it in a jar on my desk.