Investigation jokes
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
What would you name a detective if he didn't already have a name?
Cassie.
Get it?
What's the best way to get a man to confess to a rape?
Ask him to tell a rape joke.
What's fun to search for in investigation?
The Milky Way!
Me: Now I know why Michael Jackson turned white.
The police: You finally figured it out.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
There is a man in the hospital. The power went out, and the man was stabbed to death. There are three witnesses: the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who who was at the vending machine. Who killed the man?
The mom did, because you can’t use a vending machine when the power's out!
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
Murder, murder, suicide by police.
The reason why Steven H. died was that someone poisoned his chocolate mousse.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records.
I found Jeffrey Epstein’s diary the other day.
The last entry was about 12 years old.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Chuck Norris hasn’t decided yet when Jimmy Hoffa can come out.
There was an air crash of a Boeing 737-800 which can carry around 300 passengers.
It crashed in a cemetery.
They recovered 500 bodies.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!