Investigation jokes
What did one detective say to the other detective?
"Disguise is lookin' suspicious."
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
4, 6, 8, and 9 have all been killed. 2, 3, 5, 7, and 11 are the prime suspects.
My grandpa's last words were, "Why is there a body in my kitchen?"
No witnesses.
If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?
The Royal Commission.
Alternatively, Tony Abbott.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
"He scratched his face up, detective. That did it."
"Did I do that?"
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.
There is one rapist among us.
11:45 - Arrived at crime scene.
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle.
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain.
11:45 - Realized watch was broken.
What grade does Sherlock hit on girls from?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.
When I hired a Asian detective to see if my wife was cheating on me, I got this letter:
Mr. Wong - I see he, so I climb up tree. He knock on door and she let him in. She talks to him, he talks to she. He undresses she, she undresses he. She plays with he, he plays with she. I play with me, I fall out tree, I no see... No fee.
I've been looking for my ex-girlfriend's killer for the past two years.
But no one would do it.
Serial murderer Ed Gein was famed for raping, killing, and skinning his victims.
When he was asked why he did it, he responded, "You don't know someone until you walk around in their skin."
There was a murder. The detective suspected the artist first... because he was sketchy.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
Why do asses make the best detectives?
They always crack the case!
There is a Mexican sitting on a train.
The guy sitting next to him says, "I have a big dick."
The Mexican decides to get a lawnmower and some clippers. When he got off the train, the police found a dead body with no dick and pube hairs.
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."