Intimacy jokes

Once there was this kid that wanted to shower with his dad, so his dad said yes. Then he asked, "What is that?" and his dad said it's a chow chow train.

The next day, he wanted to shower with his mom, so she said yes. He asked again, "What is that?" and she said it was a tunnel with light.

The same day, he wanted to sleep with them, and they said yes.

In the middle of the night, he woke up and told his mom to turn on the light because the chow chow train is going in.

What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.

What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?

"Do you want the cameras on or off?"

When his dick is really, really small, but you pretend it is so big it hurts so you don’t make him feel bad 'cause he is a nice guy.

If I fuck you harder, you have to scream "daddy," but what happens when you cum?

Kiss a girl on the forehead make her happy for a day.

If you give her anal you'll make her whole weak.

Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.

The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.

Something you can say at a job interview and during sex:

"I’m here for the new position?"

What does a lesbian call the other during sex?

Mummy.

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

I spent 10 hours applying makeup so I could look pretty when I was going to have sex with my partner.

I needn't have bothered.

The next day, it was smeared all over my face.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

You blow a kiss up.

Your eyes were bright up your ass.

She'd suck my dick and let me suck her tits.

Being gay must be a pain in the ass.

Rubbing everywhere but not the clit and asking, "Do you like that?"

(dude wtf)

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

Baby, here's my anus.

Baby, too, where's my anus?