Intimacy jokes
Paddy's beautiful wife has not had an orgasm for the 15 years they have been married.
The doctor suggests that she may be overheating during sex, and a cool breeze may help.
Being a bit of a cheapo, he decides not to buy a fan but asks his friend Mick to waft a towel over them during the act.
After half an hour, still no sign of success, so his mate suggests swapping places. "I'll have a try, Paddy, you waft the towel."
Paddy agrees, and after two or three minutes, Paddy's wife has a moment of sexual pleasure, screaming in ecstasy for the first time in 15 years.
Paddy taps his mate Mick on the shoulder and says, "And that, Mick, is how you waft a bloody towel!"
Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger went through the toilet paper.
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
Her name was Lola.
She was a loner.
At the Copa.
Then I saw her,
And I got a boner.
The next morning,
She couldn't remember if I banged her.
He: "Do you smoke after sex?" She: "I don't know. I've never looked."
What do nail polish and panties have in common?
Both come off with alcohol.
What is better than hitting a booty? Playing with the titties.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.
I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"
What is the difference between anal and oral sex?
Oral sex makes your whole day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
Did you hear about the woman who broke up with the man who had a small penis?
When his friends ask how he’s doing, he said, “I wasn’t that into her.”
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.