Insult jokes

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.

"Your ass must be jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."

You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

Your forehead is so big, it's a $20 taxi ride from your hairline to your eyebrows.

I came home from school one day and told my cat a kid at school said I was an idiot and told me to go kick rocks, so I did, except I kicked him, not the rocks, and I called him the idiot for not moving out of the way.

If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

A. Ask your mother.

Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.

- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!"

- Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew.

- Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry.

- Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince.

- Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Yo mama so old the carpenter uses her crotch as sandpaper.

If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

Sister: You're adopted.

Me: At least they wanted me, they must feel terribly bad cuz they had to keep you :(

There's something on your chin... no, the 3rd one.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.

Your forehead is so big, Mastermind got jealous.

Down syndrome kid: Stop being greedy with the Legos! Me: Stop being greedy with the chromosomes!

One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.

Elephants never forget.