INS jokes
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.
Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
An apple walked into the clinic.
The doctor asked what his favorite color was.
The apple said "red." :)
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
When you start sweating after filling in "C" for the third time in a row.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
What do you get when skeletons are dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Why you always in a mood?
"What do you do with your free time?"
"I stalk."
"Really? I enjoy walks in the park, going to the movies, and hanging out with friends."
"I know."
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
What do 9/11 and 911 have in common?
They're twins.
What does a school bus crash and a train crash have in common?
They always line up.
What kind of nuts come in cans?
Creamed a-corn.
I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?
Why do orphans have water in cereal?
Because mom was never around to produce milk.
Wolf looks like a fox.
It has the sharpest claws.
It has a bushy tail.
To eat, it doesn't fail.
It has a coat of red.
My grandmother has said,
It hunts in search of food.
It is never, never good!
Happy was a cute hippo.
Happy sleeps in the water.
Happy walks on land.
Happy runs on Savannahs.
Happy swims in mud.
Happy takes a bath.
What is long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cucumber.
How to be a hero.
1. Tie a noose in your front yard.
2. Find and capture a furry.
3. Hang that furry because they deserve it.
It’s easy as 1-2-3!
When your parents ask you to take out the trash, you knock out your brother, put him in a closet, and when your parents ask where he is, you say, "I took him out like you said."