INS jokes
What’s the only type of batteries that they use in prisons? Duracell.
Did you hear about the boy who got raped by a group of women in the park whilst jogging? Now there are lots of male joggers in the area.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because when they spawned in a Minecraft world, all they got was plains.
My grandma was telling me to be positive, as I was going in for an AIDS test.
Q: What do you call America in a year? A: A wasteland.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
Do you know how to confuse Helen Keller?
Put her in a room and tell her to find the corner.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Can orphans eat in a family restaurant?
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What do CG artists and porn stars have in common?
They both composite (cum pose it) at the end.
I asked my mom what is dark humor. She said "see them boy over there in the wheelchair, ask him to walk." I said, "but I’m blind." She responded, "Exactly."
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
What do you call a person in a wheelchair in a burning building?
Hot wheels! 😎
My mother-in-law would have been on one of the planes that crashed on 9/11.
Had I known in advance, I would have bought her the ticket.
I caught my wife this morning gazing at our marriage license of long ago that hangs upon our wall with tears in her eye!
Almost got teary eyed myself until she told me she was only looking for the expiration date!
I don’t believe in reincarnation now, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster.
—Shane Richie, British actor
In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?
They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.
What do you call a baby in a blender? A baby blender!
To the guy asking what joy I find in suicide jokes, the answer is simple. I make suicide jokes to cope with my crippling depression. Must be working, cause I'm still here.