INS jokes

I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two; one to screw in the lightbulb and one to SUCK MY COCK!

So, an orphan walked into a store. He gets lost and the store clerk asked, "Do you need help finding your parent?" and the orphan ran out crying.

My dad died in the 9/11 attack. He was a good pilot.

August 2020: LeafyIsHere gets terminated on Youtube for harassing Pokimane.

Billy, a toxic kid in Leafy's fanbase: "Imane's life is a joke, that's why I call her Jokeimane."

A person who simps for Pokimane: "And you look like you came from a farm, Hillbilly."

Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.

My parents are the worst.

You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.

How did Jesus kill himself?

He fell from his bike.

How many times did he die?

Once on a bike and once when he fell from a cloud in Heaven.

Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.

Everyone else in the office: 😱

Your mama so fat she got in to the pool, the water got out and big mama! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.

Why did the orphan call Mr. Smith "daddy"? Because he put her in the vices and taught her a lesson about virginity.

She said she was cheating. I put anti-freeze in her drink.

What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?

"You are not alone."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.

Abraham Lincoln was a good man, he jumped out the window with his dick in his hand and walked up to a group of ladies and said I'm doing my duty so why don't you give me some booty?

Did you know Helen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard?

No, and neither did she.

I'll pat your breasts, pat your breasts, cos I'm a baker's man, and you better bring me an orgasm as fast as you can. I'll pat you, and prick you, and mark you with my "D", And then throw you in the fire cos you're now worthless to me!

I put my fish on a leash so I could teach him to walk. Then I took him out for a walk. Then, when I put him back in the tank, he stopped moving.

Everybody knows the joke: Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because seven ate nine.

But why was 10 scared? Because he was right in the middle of 9/11.