INS jokes

What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?

They believe their own lies.

The "f" in "orphan" means family, even though there's no "f."

I only got one question wrong on my biology test yesterday.

The question was, "What is most commonly found in a cell?"

Apparently, "Black People" wasn't the right answer.

What is the most common crime in China?

Identity fraud.

What do Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie have in common?

What's the difference between an office worker and a vegetable?

They both sit in "wheelchairs," but only one can get out of it.

When is the peanut butter due to arrive?

In a Jif.

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.

A guy is walking down the street when he almost steps in something. He looks down and says, "Looks like shit."

He crouches down and smells it, "Smells like shit."

He sticks his finger in, tastes it, "Tastes like shit."

He then smiles and says, "Well, good thing I didn't step on it!"

A drunk guy runs into a bar... He bangs his head and falls down, why?

Because he is in a prison cell.

My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Why don't gay men perform anilingus on each other in Greece?

Because anilingus is against the law in Greece.

I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.

I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.

If anyone's joke here says "burn in hell," I will mimic your account for the rest of your life.

My dad died in the attacks. He was the best pilot Pakistan has ever seen, Allahu Akbar!

One day, a chicken went to the nail store. He asked the "owner" where the shampoo was. "BRO IM NOT THE FRIKKIN MANAGER!" the guy said. So the duck walked away.

The next day he went back to the store and asked a pregnant lady why she was so fat. The lady punched him and ran away. The duck cried. Then he went to the lady's husband and said that he must be tired of being married since she punches people every day. The man punched him. The duck assumed they were the punching couple. The duck walked, and then fell in a ditch and stayed there to die. The pregnant lady and her husband were very pleased >:) muhahahahahahaha

What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

A man is digging in his garden and finds a gold chest. He goes to tell his wife.

Then he remembers why he was digging in the garden...

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.