INS jokes
I need to call candy. What's candy? Candy can "bofe" if these balls fit in your mouth.
Why do golfers bring a spare pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one.
Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.
Roses are red, my mental health is blue, Karen got no mom like you.
A young Greek couple got married, and at their wedding...
...the mother of the bride took the bride aside for a quick chat.
"My sweet," she said, "you're now a woman. I'm so proud. Some advice for you now that you're married: Greek men are very particular, and at some point when you're making love to your new husband, he might suggest that you 'turn around,' if you know what I mean. If that sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, do not feel pressured to say yes."
The bride thanked her mother for the advice, and the wedding continued. That night, as she and her husband consummated the marriage, she was mildly surprised to learn that he never asked her to 'turn around.'
They spent a beautiful week together on their honeymoon and made love many times. But still, to her mild surprise, her husband never asked her to 'turn around.'
Their one year anniversary arrived, and they made love to celebrate the milestone. But again, to her mild surprise, the husband never asked her to 'turn around.' This continued for years: their second anniversary, third, fourth...
Finally, on their fifth anniversary, her husband started getting romantic with her in bed and said, "Honey, we've been married for five years. I was thinking we maybe try something new. I thought this time you could 'turn around,' if you know what I mean."
She replied, emphatically, "No! No, I do not do that, I am not that kind of woman!"
Without getting defensive, her husband simply said, "That's all well and good, honey. But I thought you said you wanted children?"
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
Roses are red, violets are blue, Tory shirts step in doodoo.
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23-degree angle.
She then drew a 67-degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said, "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing," and the second one chimed in, "And I love what you've done with your hair."
The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going on. She sighed and said, "Well, these angles are supposed to be complementary, but I guess they don't know how to spell."
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
A scarecrow got promoted because he was outstanding in his field.
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
Teachers: Whenever there’s a school shooting, hide under the desk.
Students: Hiding under desk.
Shooter: Well, no one’s in here!
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; Because it's where everyone goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
I was digging a hole in my garden, then I found a treasure chest. I was so happy. I went to tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging a hole.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
I saw a girl crying. I asked her where her parents were, and she started to cry even more.
Man, I love working in the orphanage.
Why was 10 scared because it was in the middle of 9/11?
Why is it so hard to play hide-and-seek in an orphanage?
Because nobody is looking for them.