INS jokes
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
Yo mama is so old that when she was in history class as a kid, all they learned about was themselves!
I wanted to bomb a restaurant, so I went in there with a bomb, but the bomb got diffused and did not work.
I asked a person standing nearby. I said, "Hey, do you know how to fix this bomb so I can blow up this place?"
He gave me a book.
It was the Quran.
I said, "What the hell is that?"
He said, "This is the official manual for bomb making."
I've reached the age where looking in the mirror is like checking the news. I know there'll be some new developments I won't like.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?
Hot wheels.
I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.
A German soldier was walking down the street in a hail storm and a woman got hit unconscious. He ran over to see if she was ok. Other people came running over. They asked what happened, and the German soldier said, "Hail hit her."
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
Popular guy in class: I am so funny.
Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.
what do you call a baby in an oven?
my next meal.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
What do you call a nerd in space?
A space nerd.
How do you get a million Pikachus in a bus?
You shove them on!
What’s one thing that an orphan can never get in poker?
A full house.
Islamist guys and American Christian right-wing guys are both similar in that both abhor the existence of gay people, but only the Christian Right loves to eat sausages, especially the little ones, if you know what I mean...
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
What’s something you can say in a grocery store and in bed?
"Thanks for coming."
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."
Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"
The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."
"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!
She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"
"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"
"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.
"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."
Now, how about that drink?
A piece of sodium that lived in a test tube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.
"Oh, Bunsen, my flame," the sodium swooned. "I melt whenever I see you!"
The Bunsen burner replied, "Calm down. It's just a phase you're going through."
I shouted "Jenga" in class today.
We were watching clips of 9/11.