INS jokes
I like my women like I like my wine: 12 years old, in the basement, and locked up.
You want to know what the ugly truth looks like?
Go look in the mirror.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
What do you call a retreat in war?
A backup plan.
Why were the people in the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
Went to school today, had to yell at my friend that he wasn't on the clock.
He continued to swing on the pole in front of children.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
What do you call grass that grows in space?
Astro-turf.
"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because everyone's dying to get in!"
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
What did the squirrel say to the dog?
"There are nuts in your poop. I found them!"
Why do orphans like Spider-Man?
'Cause they really enjoy Far From Home and No Way Home. Damn, was he mad about Spider-Man Homecoming!
Two kids are out in the cold, with downpours of snow erupting from the clouds.
One of the kids says something: "Can we build a snowman that is going through puberty?"
The other kid says something else: "Yes. It sounds cool."
After a while, the snowman was finished, and some words jut out of the first kid's mouth: "Wow! Look at that snowman! It's got hair all over, but I think it's missing something though."
The other kid jumps a little and begins speaking: "Oh, I know what it is!"
After a while, a body part made of a carrot and two cucumbers appears on the snowman's crotch. It is a penis and a ballsack.
The first kid speaks: "Icy what you did there."
The other kid replies: "Good thing I didn't slip up there."
The first kid replies: "Well, that's snow problem."
The other kid then uttered this: "These puns would make the most frigid individual crack up."
The first kid then says: "I know, right?"
They then begin a snowball fight.
The other kid then says: "Only the men have snowballs!"
Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?
Me: Me.
Friend: *does nothing*
(x_x)
I forgot that I don't have friends.
Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.
If you guys wanted to see a joke, just look in the mirror.
Why do people keep saying, "Why did the toilet paper not cross?" Because it got stuck in the crack, because it got stuck in their crack.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
You leave the plunger in the toilet.
"You're the bomb"—a compliment in the USA.
An argument in the Middle East.
How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They wait for it to turn itself in.