INS jokes
Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I quote Linkin Park too much.
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter.
What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.
cane sauce
I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" The man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon."
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An envelope.
A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With Caesar!
What do orphans and Trump supporters have in common?
No one likes them.
Chris Rock: Jada, I can't wait to see you in G.I. Jane 2!
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air theme song starts playing:
Will: "I got in one lil' fight about my wife's lost hair, she said, 'Will, if you don't do something I'm gonna have an affair!'" 😂😂😂
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
What do you call disabled people in a hot tub? -- Vegetable soup.
What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying, "ten babies in one trashcan." Morbid humor would be saying, "one baby in ten trashcans."
Q: What do the mob and pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".