INS jokes

What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.

If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.

What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.

(just a joke) My grandfather was involved in 9/11. I’ve kept his pilot medals for how good of a pilot he was.

1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

What do gay people and mice have in common?

They both hate pussy cats!

Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."

Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"

The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."

Like this if you are in elementary, middle school, or high school.

What do you call those dead pieces of green stuff left in the bottom of a bowl of Caesar salad?

The last romaines. Now lettuce pray for them.

Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren't that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them.

The guy from France said, "For France!" And drank the poison and died.

The man from Britain said, "Long live the queen!" And shot himself and died.

And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, "Make a canoe out of this, you fuckers!"

My brother once froze a dollar in a block of ice. I called it "cold hard cash."

How do you stop a baby from crawling around in a circle on the floor?

You nail its other hand to the floor.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!

What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.

In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?

Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.