INS jokes
What do you call the space in between Kim Kardashian's breasts?
Silicon Valley.
I got kicked out of the school library for placing a women's rights book in the fiction section.
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
so true
Son - Dad, I've been expelled from school for having sex with a girl in my class.
Dad - Son, that's the 2nd school this year! Maybe teaching isn't for you!
The quiet kid starts playing "Pumped Up Kicks" in the parking lot before school.
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? -- America.
What's the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody's looking, you slip in the disabled one.
1 like = 1 kid in my oven. I'm trying to get followers and comments, please.
Why are there no Olympics in Mexico?
Because everyone from Mexico that can run, jump, and swim is already over the border.
A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
Apparently, Monica Lewinsky didn't vote for Hillary Clinton this election. She said the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
Michael Jackson gets really ill, so he's rushed to hospital. When they get there, he says, "Am I in heaven?"
The doctor replies, "Nah, sir, we're just taking a quick shortcut through the children's ward."
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
I’m giving in my two week resignation to life... it’s not you ... it’s me!!!