INS jokes
How many fat people are in my house?
20, counting the kids in the basement.
"Hey, today was great!"
"What happened?"
"I ran into my ex today."
"What's so great about that?"
"I was in my car!"
Knock, knock. Who's there? Iceberg lettuce. Iceberg lettuce who? Iceberg! Let us in!
Your hairline and your forehead must have a lot in common because they go waaaaaaaayyy back!
What type of people have the record of the most amount of stories read?
Emos, they're still in the air.
My sister and a basketball got certain things in common.
My sister's tits and ass are bouncy like a basketball.
Bully: Ur momma so fat that the whales said we are family even though you are a little bigger than us.
Nerd: Yo momma so ugly that when she went in the bathtub, the water jumped out.
Silence...................punch!
Your hairline goes so far back that it has no records of it happening in history.
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
You're so fat you need butter to get in the car.
Why are Russians forced to drink grizzly bear piss in Russia?
Because vodka in Russia is weak.
Two cows are standing in a field. One cow says to the other, "What do you think about that mad cow disease?"
The other replies, "Well I don't have to worry about it. You're talking to a telephone pole."
Why does an orphan only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have mothers' and Father’s Day.
How do butts stay cool in the summer?
They stay in crack conditioning.
Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?
Must be lots of drunks there.
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
Putin's words paint a picture of his world as vast, but in reality, it is shrinking.
Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...
The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.
Be grateful:
You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.