INS jokes
Someone who was working in the tower must've put their phone on plane mode.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she went trick or treating on Halloween 2016, the clowns thought she was their supreme leader.
What do depressed kids and sloths have in common? They both hang from trees.
My grandfather died in 9/11.
He was a great pilot.
Why do American guns only have 30 rounds in the clip? Because that’s the average class size.
Reasons for having a shower
I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....
How do you punish a blind guy?
You leave a plunger in the toilet.
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
What do Spiderman and an orphan have in common? They both have no way home.
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
I once fought with a man in a wheelchair.
He couldn't stand a chance.
What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?
A bath bomb 💣
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?
Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.
Does it cycle now?
What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?
Breakfast in bed!
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.