INS jokes

Customer: "Can I get this in a smaller size and a different color?"

Employee: "Ma'am, this is an adoption agency, you can't do that here!"

What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?

They both died with red rings.

What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

What does B.I.B.L.E. stand for?

Bull Shit In Book Lacking Evidence.

Does it cycle now?

What does the cannibal get after a one night stand?

Breakfast in bed!

I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.

We're skipping April Fools' Day this year. The biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country.

Roses are red, violets are violet.

My grandad died in 9/11. He was a good pilot.

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

What do you get when you combine a priest and lawyer? A Father-in-law.

A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"

One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."

A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"

"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"

A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”

What do 9-11 and a fighter have in common? They both have a one-two combo.

This boy in my high school choir class had a decently big forehead, so I leaned in and said, "You know, if you painted an H on your forehead, maybe Kobe would've landed."

What do Hostess Twinkies and the cock of a gay man have in common?

🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🐓 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍦 🍨 🍨 🍨 🍨

What do a fat chick and a moped have in common?

They’re both fun to ride until your friends find out.

This is really mean...

A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."

Me walking in to the office:

Principal: Tell me, what did you do?

Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was an end portal...

I went to a park, then I kicked a ball at a kid in a wheelchair, then screamed "Rocket League!"

The Twin Towers and genders have a lot in common. There used to be two, and now it's just a touchy subject.