INS jokes
Why does Joe only have 264 days in his calendar?
Because he can't celebrate Father's Day.
What do Paul Walker and I have in common? Neither of us have seen Fast and the Furious 7.
A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”
He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”
He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”
“No, this is the rink manager!”
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.
Did you know the "f" in "orphan" stands for family?
Kid: There is no "f" in "orphan."
There is no family.
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
Your hairline looks like it got burnt in the Civil War.
I looked so deep in the dark web, I started to see Tyrone.
A Mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car, and the passenger asked, "Where are we going?"
The Mexican says, "I'm not driving, the drunk guy is."
They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
My dad was in 9/11, that's rude, and he was a great pilot.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
I get so many things stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.
Comment anything if you liked the picture of Kenya in her bra!
Hint: It was a red bra with pink strips! And it said, "I love everyone!"
#she is sex*
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
I need a new butt. This one has a hole in it.
I walked into the doctor's surgery and he said to me, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." I said, "Capricorn." He said, "Nah, you got cancer."