INS jokes
How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.
How did the man in prison escape?
He drew a bum on the wall and slid through the crack.
Orphans have 362 days in a year because they don’t have a Mother’s or Father’s Day and no birthday.
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
What’s worse than three babies in one garbage can?
One baby in three garbage cans.
Let's have toast in the bath.
Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?
A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.
I got in trouble at school today because I played the knife game with a pair of scissors, but I couldn't flip them off because I was missing that finger.
The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make? "Mooo," said Sally. "Good job," said the teacher. "What sound does a sheep make?" "Baa," said Jack. "Good, now what sound does a pig make?" Little Johnny raised his hand really high in the sky. The teacher called on him. He said, "The pig says, 'Get on the ground and put your hands on your head, you black motherfucker.'"
One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"
What do you call an animal in space? Just death because you need a spacesuit.
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? -- Canned food.
Why is a white guy in prison scarier than a black guy in prison?
The white guy actually did it.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
I got in touch with my inner self today, it's the last time I use 1-ply toilet roll.
What do pedophiles and guitars have in common?
They both fingered A minor.
Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?
Because it was in da skies.
So my friend's birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.