INS jokes
How is a marriage like a hurricane?
In the beginning, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, but at the end, you lose your house.
As the Navy SEALs burst into Osama Bin Laden's room in his Pakistani compound, his last dying words forever rang in the ears of the SEALs...
"It was just a prank bro."
What did the man who had sex with an Instagram model in the reverse cowgirl position while going 90 on the freeway get charged for?
Driving under the influencer.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
What’s the difference between Texas and Flint, Michigan?
Nothing; no one cares how much lead is in the kids.
Defenity peeing with an erection
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Question; Why do they call Melania Trump the "Walk-In" Freezer?
Answer; It's because that is where EVERYONE goes to "Hang Their Meat"!
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, In this world of chaos, I find peace with you.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they do not live in a swing state.
Do you know what the F in orphan is for...
Family.
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
What’s something you can say in bed and in a Zoom meeting?
"Do you want the cameras on or off?"
What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?
Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.
Wanna play dolls?
I can be Ken, and you can be the box I come in.
What does weed and the Carolina Panthers have in common?
They both get smoked in bowls.