INS jokes
Why can't an orphan be in a Scream movie?
It's always someone you know.
What do a priest and Christmas tree lights have in common?
They can both flash.
This guy comes knocking on the door in hell and speaks to God. "Please let me out, it is too cold in here!"
God is all confused. "There is a big fire in there!" The guy answers, "Yes, there is, but you cannot get near it. All the bishops, cardinals, and priests are sitting around it."
What do you call my brother in the water?
"Tsunami."
How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?
If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.
There was a man in a wheelchair, and he got knocked out in front of a bus. He had a wheelie good life!
I saw two deaf people talking shit about me in sign language.
So I turned off the lights.
Ur mum is so fat that when she lived in a flat on the highest floor, she fell through the inner floor.
Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:
"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"
What kind of people love donuts in the morning? Cops, because they don't have anything else to do.
In the movie "Cars 2", there is a priest, which means car Jesus died for the sins of the cars.
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he. 😂😂
What does a kid who has autism and reading have in common?
Absolutely nothing.
What do a fisherman and a prostitute have in common?
They're both hookers.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
Jeffy: I need a new butt. My old one has a crack in it.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!