INS jokes
Why can't orphans be in charge of making web pages?
Because they can't add a home page.
What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?
Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.
There are sexiest women in politics.
They should be in a car showroom.
It's tricky when you're both a moth and a sea captain in charge of a ship, but up ahead, you see a lighthouse.
Me telling a depression and suicide joke in front of my friends.
My friends: ........ Oh wait, I don't have any, so nothing to worry about here.
What do teen mothers and their unborn babies have in common?
They're both thinking "Oh my God, my mom's gonna kill me!"
How does Jesus whistle?
By blowing through the holes in his hands.
What was the Roman Empire cut in half by?
A pair of Caesars.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the street?
Because it got stuck in a crack :)
How did the USA beat Japan in rapping?
By dropping two of the biggest roasts.
What is the difference between a man peering through the keyhole and a woman in the bath?
One is rude and nosy; the other is nude and Rosy.
Mummy, how was I born?
Mummy replied, "Well, your father and I got married, and soon I became fat and you came out, and then in, out, in, out, and after you did that a million times, you were born."
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Cindy, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
How do you punish Helen Keller?
Leave the plunger in the toilet.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, "It's Wales, Dumbo!" So I corrected myself, "My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?"
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.