INS jokes
How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast? They marched in backwards and the Polish people thought they were leaving.
If you slit your wrist while crying in pain, that's self-harm.
If you slit your wrist but have no expression, that's acting.
It isn't any of those if it's suicide.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
If you get pinched by a man in a wheelchair, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
what do you call 6 gay men in WWII?
Rainbow Six Siege.
What's the only time you can do almost whatever you want?
When you have a gun in your hand.
What do U.S. airstrikes and dark humor have in common?
They're normally pointed towards Africa and the Middle East.
Looks like the gene pool in your family is about three inches deep.
What did the beach say as the tide came in?
Long time, no sea.
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar's patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligator's mouth, and starts whacking it with the stick. After he's done and gets his drink, he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes, she would like a go, asks that he doesn't hit her with the stick.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
What is long and not hairy?
The conga line in the cancer department.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships.
Apparently, "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
What does a glory hole and a confessional booth have in common?
A blowjob is anonymous.
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with a bull? They both charge.
What does a rock and a girl have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Who is the best at musical chairs?
The kid in the wheelchair.
Why can’t Jesus be born in West Virginia?
Because they couldn’t find three wise men or a virgin.
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."