INS jokes
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
If a person in a wheelchair runs you over, can you call it a "hit and can't run?"
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
nothing... they both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
How do you keep a Biden supporter in suspense?
...
What's the difference between a pile of babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in my garage.
What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
Oops!
What do Viagra and Disneyland have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two-minute ride.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."
Iran: We can beat the USA.
Japan: You do realize we beat him in Battleship, and he dropped the sun on us.
Iran: So?
Japan: Twice!
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
The Homo Sexual was a direct descendant of the Homo Genital Erectus, which went extinct in 2037 for being easily offended and its unwillingness to breed.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.