INS jokes
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
What do you call a disabled person in a sauna?
Steamed veggies!
what song did people in Hiroshima listen to?
"Here Comes the Sun."
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
What does McDonald's and a paedophile have in common?
They both like sticking their meat in ten-year-olds.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
My dad died in 9/11.
But he was the pilot.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
An American is touring the Soviet Union. A Russian takes him to a school so he can see what it's like. He asks the kids if they like the Soviet Union. All of the kids say yes, they love it. All but one. That kid bursts out crying. The American asks what's wrong, and he cries, "I want to live in the Soviet Union!"
How many astronauts can you fit into a VW Bug? 11, 4 in the seats, seven in the ashtray.
What is the strongest weapon in India?
The red button (this is a fact).
A blonde walks in and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde comes back the next day with brown hair and says, "I want to buy that TV."
The seller says, "I don't sell to blondes."
The blonde asks, "That's it, how'd you know I was a blonde?"
The seller replies, "Because that's a microwave."
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
Q: What kind of person has 100% ambition and never gives up if someone gets in their way?
A: A rapist.
Who are the fastest readers?
The pilots on 9/11. They went through six stories in 5 seconds.