INS jokes

Did you know that the F in orphan means family?

There's no F in orphan?

Exactly.

What do you call a terrorist in water?

A bath bomb 😁

What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?

A bath bomb.

Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?

Because the joke needs parental guidance.

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a homeless shelter?

You can shit a load inside of a prostitute, but if you try it in a shelter, you get arrested.

What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.

I was struggling on a math test when a girl in a wheelchair leaned over and said, "Hey, this is the easiest thing I've done all day."

I was triggered, so the next day when we were doing the pledge, I leaned over and said, "This is the easiest thing I've done all day!"

Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.

Q: How do you blind a woman?

A: You put a windshield in front of her.

What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.

Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.

What do a fat woman and bricks have in common? They both get laid by Mexicans.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

In America, you fight Ukraine.

In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"

Depression: "Lie in bed."

I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.