INS jokes
What is an orphan's favorite quote in Star Wars?
"I am your father."
Maybe if I fall in love with my depression, it'll leave me too.
Roses are red, violets are violets, my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good pilot.
What do you call a Muslim sleepover?
Osamas in Pajamas.
Where was Moses when the lights went out? - In the dark!
What is red and goes 200 miles per hour?
A baby in a blender.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee.
A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after a while and says, "Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in."
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the ground.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Why do rapists and pedophiles never win a race?
Because they always like to come in a little behind.
Your forehead is so big, your mom spent half of the time in the delivery room giving birth to just your head.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
Someone in London is stabbed every two minutes. Poor guy.
I am reading a horror book in braille.
Something bad is going to happen. I CAN FEEL IT!