INS jokes
I went to China and said, "I have a big cock," so they thought I said they look like a cock. Then I realized I said it in English.
Why did the cheetah get in trouble at school?
Because he cheated on a test.
"Hey, man, do you have any Ben and Jerry's?"
"Yeah, I have two of them, fresh and preserved in the freezer."
"I meant the ice cream, bro..."
What time is it when you stand on a pile of money in the bank?
High interest!
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
A woman goes to buy a parrot.
There is one for 200, 500, and one for 15 bucks.
She asks why the last one is so cheap.
The man at the counter says, "It used to live in a brothel/sex house."
The lady buys it anyway.
When she gets home, it says, "Fuck me, a new brothel!"
When her daughters get home, it says, "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!"
When the father gets home, the parrot says, "Fuck me, Daryl, haven't seen you in the brothel in weeks!"
When I called the suicidal hotline in Iraq, they asked if I could drive the car.
What’s red and goes 100 miles per hour?
Babies in a blender.
Yo mama so fat that when she looks into a mirror, it always shatters, because her weight could be felt all around.
It's often said that people peaked in high school.
I think Trump peaked in kindergarten.
If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 8 9, then why was 10 afraid? Because it was right in the middle of 9/11.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None, they sit in the dark and cry xdddd.
Comedy is so woke these days. You can't make fun of any disadvantaged group.
Except people with Alzheimer's. They'll just forget you made the joke in five minutes anyway.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a blender.
Call me Willma, Will ma balls fit in ya mouth?
What do women and a Happy Meal have in common?
They both come with a toy.
Want to know what I do in my freetime?
Punch an orphan, cuz what are they going to do, tell their mom?
A child's parents once lived in Chicago.
I wonder why he's in an orphanage now.
Why did the man cross the road?
Because his dick was stuck in the chicken!