INS jokes
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
22 ants were playing football in a saucer.
One ant said to another one, “We'll have to play better tomorrow. We're playing in the cup!”
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect 4 in only three moves.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10-year-olds.
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Why does Trump always ensure he has a second pair of pants with him every weekend?
In case he gets a hole in one.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
Two atoms are walking down the street, and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "Yeah, I’m positive!"
What do Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common?
They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing.
Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
What's the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Say what you want against pedophiles, but they slow down in school zones.