INS jokes
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
Statistics show that 1 in 3 people live next to a pedophile. However, I think that's a lie because I just live next to 2 stunning 8-year-olds.
How does an artist fill in a CV?
He draws on experience.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
Why do I carry pepper spray?
Just in case of as-SAULT.
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head, people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
Mosely in a white van.
I like my girls how I like my wine, 12 years locked in the basement.
What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Porsche?
I don't have a Porsche in the garage.
In Australia, my jokes are high koala-ty.
What do a coin and an Irish man have in common?
They're both fun to flip off.
What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.
Back in Australia, my puns are high koala-tea!
Did you hear that Stephen Hawking wrote a new book? It's called "Around The House in Eighty Days."
What is the most popular fish in the ocean? "A starfish."
Yo mama so old, she was in third grade with Moses.
What's red and white and lives in a blender?
A baby.
When Kim Jong-un said "nuke the Chinese", he meant put the take away in the oven. Some simple misunderstandings start a war.
What's small, brown and crispy?
A baby in an oven.
Q: What do you call a man in a wheelchair?
A: Disabled.