INS jokes
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don't have a mother or father's day.
What did the bull say when got hit in the special area? "Damn my bulls!" Ahahaha
Friend: Hey, let me give you a little riddle. There's a table [for] four people who are supposed to sit [at]. There is you, me, Will, Mary. In which order will they sit?
Other friend: Uhm, you, me, Mary, and Will?
Friend 1: Nope, guess again!
Other friend: Okay, what about "Will you marry me?" Oh, wait...
Friend 1: Of course!!!! :D
JFK's wife trying to grab his head be like "him in heaven." Why did I marrei her? Welp, time for a devorsin'.
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
What’s the difference between 69 and a family reunion?
You only see one asshole in 69.
Mom: Hey you! What are you doing?!
Me: Nothing, why?
Mom: You're supposed to do your ______.
Me that/every night: *sob*
Friends: Are you okay?
Me: Yeah, fine.
Me in head: Or maybe I'm not okay...
What was the most famous skeleton detective in the world? Sherlock Bones!
(demons in my head) I laugh to meet them...
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...
Why was 10 scared?
Because 9/11 came flying in.
My grandad was shocked to learn that lightning can strike in the same place twice.
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
A day in the life of a Biden voter.
$2000 stimulus check? Nah, $1400...some day.
No more kids in cages? Nah, more kids in cages.
$15 minimum wage? Nah, $11. Maybe.
50k loan forgiveness? Nah. Lol.
No more deportations? Nah, they're still leaving.
Women's rights? Nah, dudes in women's sports.
New COVID bill? Nah, mostly bailouts and pet projects.
Cheap insulin? Nah, jack those prices up.
Defeat fascism? Nah, barbed wire fences around DC.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor: 10 babies in one trash can.
Morbid humor: 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
One knight, a king, and a queen went fishing. They each caught one fish, so how did three fish end up in the bucket?
One "knight"!!!
In jail, why is the white guy scarier than the black guy? Because the white guy actually did something.
Can orphans eat in a family restaurant?
He couldn’t stand it anymore with his sister because he is in a wheelchair.